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Two lovers hugging each other on the bed.

Exploring Sexuality - 3 min read

IS IT HEALTHY TO FAKE ORGASMS? THE UPS AND DOWNS OF FAKE SEX

Fake sex doesn’t have to sound like such an insult. We get it, the term itself comes across like some sort of confrontation or AI generated pornography but, in actuality, it’s just another way to say ‘faking orgasm’. But what does a fake orgasm really mean?

Essentially, a fake orgasm takes place when someone pretends to have an orgasm without actually experiencing the pleasure of one. It involves a type of simulation that can manifest itself in performative moaning, gasping, or other body movements that are typically brought on by a natural orgasm.

Human sexuality is perplexing at times and lives on a spectrum, but most of us are in the pursuit to live a more pleasurable and sexually fulfilled life. Evidently, we might not be able to live out that dream if we fake our sexual satisfaction. Where do you fall in? Well, before you think too long or too hard, let’s get to the meat of the material and find where a real orgasm differs from a fake one along with other insights.

Normalizing sexual taboos just feels better.

Hand gripping bed sheets during a real orgasm.

1. Is It Normal To Fake Orgasm?

In short, yes. Sometimes, a lack of communication when voicing sexual needs is reason enough for someone to fake cum during sex. Or people can find themselves faking it for the sole purpose of pleasing their partners. Whichever reason, people of every gender can fake their orgasm at any point in their life.

Historically, women have been noted to fake orgasm more than men (as clitoral stimulation used to be less addressed in sex discourse) but, in modern day, this has changed. Sexual identity ownership and feelings of acceptance from sex partner(s) has had a significantly positive effect on women growing more confident in bed. Still, men can slip into the performative nature of faking it as well. It’s important to have direct conversations with your sexual partner(s) about your own needs, if getting a little more real from an orgasmic POV is what you seek.

Need some help with those talks? Browse How To Ask Your Partner For What You Need To Orgasm for some honest advice.

Hand reaching for Durex Play Massage 2 in 1 Aloe Vera bottle next to Durex condoms on a nightstand.

2. Why Does Faking Orgasms Happen?

To build on what was said earlier, fake sex can come about for a medley of different reasons. Oftentimes, we may think having an orgasm concludes sexual activity but it’s more nuanced than that. Here are a few valid motives to explain why someone may not have a real orgasm:

It may have been taking too long - someone may fake orgasm when they’re not getting fulfilling stimulation, are intoxicated and can’t keep the mood going, or the sex is becoming more of a chore/routine
To avoid a conflict - to shy away from hurting their partner(s), someone may fake it and skip out on the awkward energy that can naturally come to light (HOT TIP: we always recommend honesty > one-way satisfaction)
Their partner may be close to an orgasm - in some relationships, the first look of their partner having a real orgasm can prompt the other to fake it
They want the sex to be over - in this case, a partner may feel like the sex just wasn’t hitting right so they fake orgasm as a sign that they’re done in the moment (or maybe they’re just really tired)
Their body may not want to orgasm at all - for some, faking it is a tactic that they’ve trained themselves to do in order to satisfy who they’re having sex with but don’t desire the release within themselves

Not sure if you’ve fully climaxed or felt the pleasure of an orgasm? Check out What’s An Orgasm & How Do I Know If I’ve Had One? from our sexpert Eva Bloom for more answers.

3. The Cons Of Faking It

Faking orgasm can actually give your partner(s) a false positive reinforcement. To give this more context, it can lead whoever you’re having sex with to believe what they’re doing is satisfying you when, in reality, it might not. Some people may feel cheated out of having fulfilling sex or jaded by their sexual experiences when they continue to fake it, particularly if it’s an ongoing pattern.

When it comes to intimacy, we should all feel able and willing to communicate with our partner(s) about what’s working and what’s not in order to have a mutually invigorating sexual experience.

If you’re looking for that mutual enjoyment, learn new pleasure from The Art Of The Simultaneous Orgasm to guide you on getting down with your lover(s) in a more synchronized fashion.

Man kissing his partner’s neck in a moment of pure passion.

4. The Pros Of Faking It

So, while we do recommend always having authentic sexual experiences with your partner(s), which usually involves mutual orgasmic pleasure, we understand that not all people may have the urge to have a real orgasm. Faking orgasm is a complex anomaly and, for certain people, pretending to orgasm can lead to personal enjoyment. It may be enough for some lovers to simply see their partner satisfied, and withhold their own satisfaction.

However, if you’re having a fake orgasm very often, and are left dissatisfied, then it’s time to re-evaluate your approach to your sex life. Try exploring your body on your own and finding the spots that tingle, doing some external research on new positions, and voicing your needs to your partner(s). Playing around with some Durex Yours + Mine Couples Lubricants^* or Durex Intense Orgasmic Gel^* won’t hurt either. Find your flow, and you can goOoOO.

Two people lying on the bed

5. To Finish Off

Want tips on how to fake an orgasm? We’re not going to give you any, sorry. But we will leave you on this note: if you’re looking for sexual satisfaction when it comes to getting off, it’s vital you speak openly with your partner(s) in order to achieve that sweet body talk. And if you’re faking orgasms, you’re not alone. Just know there are enough O’s for everyone, whenever you feel ready.

^*Ensure this product is right for you. Always read and follow the label before use.

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