How to Come Out: Advice from the Durex Community

1. How to Come Out to Parents: What We Learned from the Durex Community

Wondering how to come out to your parents but not sure how to do it? You’re not alone. If you are feeling pressure to share your truth with your family and friends, one helpful place to look for guidance is from folks who have already shared.

We learned that coming out to parents or guardians can be one of the trickiest encounters. Whether you are coming out as gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, or trans, we all want our family to accept us for who we are.

Inspired by the real life coming out stories shared by members of the Durex community, here are some suggestions for sharing your own truth.

2. Test the waters

If you are feeling pressure and stress about the "big reveal", and you are not sure how your family members feel about queerness in general, you can start small by instigating a conversation about identity and sexuality in the news, or in your social circles.

You can mention a queer friend, bring up a political issue around gender identity, or some other low-stakes topic, and see how they react. If they appear hostile or judgemental, then perhaps it’s best to wait. But if they are receptive and open to queerness, then you have created a window of opportunity to share.

3. Start with friends and family that you trust

If you want a bit of a confidence boost before coming out to your parents, try sharing with a close friend or relative first. Maybe you have a really close friend who validates you already and who you know would stand by you. Or maybe you have an aunt or uncle that you feel comfortable talking to first. Either is ideal.

By being open about your sexual orientation with a close friend or family member, and feeling their warm swell of emotional support and validation, you can gain the confidence that you need to open up to your parents and speak your truth.

4. Be patient

Many folks in the online Durex community shared the importance of patience, both for yourself and for your family members. For yourself, the message is one of love and unconditional support. There is no obligation or pressure, or any need to make a big event out of it.

“Never feel pressured to come out when you aren’t ready too... Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

For some people, coming out is a lifelong process. You might know that you are bi (for example) and feel no need to tell anybody!

The powerful truth about identity and agency is that you are in control. Supportive members of the Durex community made it clear that you should be patient with yourself.

For example, if you know you are transgender but have yet to tell anybody, and you are feeling the pressure of silence, what should you do? The advice from the Durex community is simple: only share if (or when) it feels right.

As for your family members, they may need some time to digest the news (no matter how you share it). And that's okay too. Like all of us, your family is constantly learning, and everyone learns at their own pace.

5. Use humour

Are you looking for a disarming way to share your truth? Try humour. Using jokes to express a serious point can be more natural and less dramatic - plus you’re bringing a little levity to the situation.

If you want to come out as bi, for example, you could make a joke with a friend about how people often mistake your sexual orientation. Being a little playful with your reveal might help everyone else feel more comfortable — and show them that you’re not afraid to have open, honest discussions about it.

6. Texting is your friend

The fact is you don’t have to sit your parents down in the living room and have a heart-to-heart if you don’t want to. A smoother way to go is to send a text.

This type of approach works wonders for folks who are not sure how their friends or family will react. For example, for those wondering how to come out as transexual to ultra-conservative parents, it may feel the most safe to share over text and let the news sink in while you are not in the same room.

7. The Durex community is proud of you

There is no guide book for coming out to your friends and family. But there are lessons to be learned from those who have explored and found a way to express their truth that works for them. You are on your own unique path, and you will find your own way as well. 

In this way the coming out process is similar to preparing for your first sexual experience. In both life situations, making sure you’re ready is step one - and only you know when that is. 

And no matter your sexual orientation, whether you are coming out as lesbian, bi-sexual, trans (other any other sexual orientation that feels speaks to your identity), always remember one thing: the Durex community is here for you, and we are Proud of you.

Although you can always count on us for support, there are many options for organizations and resources that are dedicated to the LGBTQAI2S+ community. Here are just a few that we think could help.

Support groups

• The Canadian Centre for Gender and Sexual Diversity
• Queer Events
• It Gets Better Canada 
• PFLAG Canada

LGBTQAI2S+ Message Boards

• Empty Closets
• Trevor Space

If you want to talk to someone now 

• LGBTQAI2S+ Peer Support Hotline

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From sex positions to LGBTQAI2S+ topics, we cover it all on our Explore Sex blog.