Sexual wellness
- 3 min read
Understanding and Overcoming Performance Anxiety in the Bedroom
Have you ever heard the term sexual performance anxiety? It’s really not as scary as it may sound, and it’s a common anxiety that can affect individuals of all different intimate experience levels. Whether you’re a first-timer in the sheets or in a long-term partnership, the fear of not meeting sexual expectations can arise – subsequently creating a cycle of stress interfering with pleasure.
Sexual performance anxiety can be defined as worries or fears that arise before, during, or after sex with partner(s). This form of anxiety is often presented in more men than women and can lead to erectile dysfunction. If this performance anxiety during sex occurs frequently without any help or treatment, a loss of interest in sex can happen as a result.
For first-time partners, performance anxiety can seemingly come out of nowhere. What comes with this are compatibility, technique, or acceptance concerns. Experienced partners in the bedroom can face head-on anxiety due to past disappointments having sex, or second-guessing about how the dynamic of their current relationship is playing out. All in all, it’s safe to say stress manifests during performance anxiety.
If this sounds like something you or your partner(s) are dealing with, let’s aim to break the cycle. Nothing feels better than performing at the very best, or at least in great condition.
Releasing Sexual Performance Anxiety
Relationship, or intimacy, strains and pains don’t have to include performance anxiety during the entire course. Let the runtime of your sexual satisfaction make room for multiple orgasms and positive experiences for everyone involved. Since sex is designed to be pleasurable, go easy on yourself and take this advice to up your game and make it so you don’t have to sit around confused. Stand up more confident!
With confidence in mind, check out Ways To Improve Your Sex Life for other stellar tips that can help boost your sexual connection and more.
Performance Anxiety Symptoms
Many symptoms can rise to the surface during moments of performance anxiety. Don’t worry, though, the following can all be assessed and looked after with the right action plan. And, if they persist, it’s always a smart idea to check in with your doctor or medical provider for more personalized answers. The most common symptoms to watch for are:
- Prematurely ejaculating during sex, or delayed ejaculation, and being unable to maintain arousal (especially with penises staying hard)
- Having a low interest in sexual activity
- Not being able to reach orgasm
- Vaginal dryness and strange pain during sex can be an indicator of sexual performance anxiety for women
Let’s examine some causes now, then move on to the happy endings.
Performance Anxiety Causes
Both physical and mental barriers can lead someone to feel like they’re not at their peak performance. If you lack self-esteem or are worried about your body image, that can play a factor in performance anxiety. A stress response can give way to heightened cortisol levels, which can evidently lead to a decreased libido.
Emotions tend to float around when this type of anxiety strikes. Alarm bells can go off that say things like “what if I don’t have the best package”, “what’s wrong with my body”, and “why can’t I do it like the pornstars”. It’s okay to take a step back from the situation and realize you may just be in your head – overthinking what’s in front of you. Questions of personal doubt can lead to increased worries.
Other times, it could be physical – like erectile dysfunction that leads someone with a penis to be unable to keep penile glands hard for a sustainable amount of time. This medical experience can put sex on hold for the time being.
Performance anxiety is a personal journey that can make one feel a lack of concentration on pleasure. Let’s focus on finding yours again, or help your partner(s) with theirs.
How To Better Cope With Performance Anxiety
Now on to the coping plans you, or your partner(s), can try out if this specific anxiety affects your sex life. After identifying the stressors, try to de-stress by:
- Practicing mindful meditation or yoga before any sex takes place to help ease the mind and improve a relationship with one’s self
- Masturbating on your own to better understand what feels good for you and how far you can take your body to orgasm heights (what length of time, what touchpoint, etc.)
- Speaking to your partner(s), doctor(s), or sex therapist openly to help ease lingering anxieties and come to a potential treatment plan
When chatting with your partner(s), keep in mind this article: How To Orgasm At The Same Time As Your Partner for advice on cumming together.
How Durex® Canada Can Help You Out
On top of the coping mechanisms listed above, you or your partner(s) can try two products that may be able to curb some performance anxiety. For one, Durex® Duration™ Gel* can help those with penises last longer to enjoy the moment. With the added ingredient Benzocaine, a commonly used desensitizing agent that temporarily prolongs the time until ejaculation, control can be taken back. Try it approximately 5-15 minutes before intercourse.
For those struggling to find the right condom size to fit their package precisely, use the Durex® Fit Tool to choose the best condom according to girth size, lubrication, and thinness. Durex® Canada offers 3 sizes: Close Fit (Regular), Large, and XL to help everyone with a penis find their very best fitting. After using this tool, some may find their performance anxiety all along was due to the fact they were using an ill-fitting condom!
Enjoy A Great Performance
After that reading performance, hopefully, you can move past any and all past anxieties and rediscover confidence and joy in sexual experiences. Sexual performance anxiety is a common experience that can affect anyone, but it doesn’t have to define you. By learning its causes, whether societal pressures, past experiences, or personal insecurities, along with symptoms, you can take steps to address them. Remember, intimacy is about mutual enjoyment and trust, not perfection.
Up the intimacy with Turn Weeks Without Sex Into More Days Of Pleasure for sexy pointers that know no bounds.
*Ensure this product is right for you. Always read and follow the label before use.
